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3/17/2004
I Will Probably Never Do This Again
Seriously, I have all this stuff to do that I'm doing an excellent job at putting off. Having my computer working made me remember how distracting computers are, and all I want to talk about is how annoying my uterus is, but I'm trying this new thing where I practice some small degree of self-censorship. So let's talk tampons! (Just stop reading now if you don't like to think about bodily functions). My favourite item on the little insert that comes with my o.b.s is not the ever popular "If I'm a virgin, can I still use a tampon?" or the diagram that clearly differentiates the vagina and the urinary opening because they're so easy to mix up or even "Can a tampon get lost inside my body?" but the part at the end where they tell you in bold-face font to "Wash your hands" after inserting the tampon. These tampons don't come with an applicator. They're basically saying "Don't just go walking around without washing after you've stuck your finger in your bloody twat."* Anyway, I think a little part of me died the day I realized that "tampon" came from the verb tamp, as in to pack tobacco into a pipe. Seriously, contemplate it. I picture Aloysius J. Tampax sitting there in his study, stroking his beard, thinking "There must be a better way to protect women's clothing from their monthly blood" when he decided to take his pipe down from his pipe rack. He started putting the tobacco in the bowl and then a giant lightbulb appeared over his head. It's all very Father Knows Best. *I hate the word twat. But there are no good colloquialisms for "vagina."
Posted at 1:14:29 pm by mootpoint
 | | | Brenda
March 20, 2004 01:49 PM PST
It's awesome to come home to tampon comments.
Laura, I should have known you would understand.
Jory, you are a funny man. Pearlized plastic applicators vaguely horrify me.
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| | | Laura
March 19, 2004 11:27 PM PST
Oh, Brenda, once again--I am an applicator-free girl, too! I love o.b. And, also, if I do use a tampon with an applicator, I throw out the applicator and just use the very flexible and questionable-looking tampon-only that remains--and actually, when properly inserted applicator-free, I think it works even better than o.b.--maybe something about the fuzzy cottony softness that doesn't quite jive as well as flexibility and questionability. Oh, what am I talking about, tampons, in public!
(You know, it must be because we're both Canadian.) | |
| | | Jory
March 19, 2004 09:58 PM PST
Pearl girl tampons have a pearlized plastic applicator --an applicator so damn exciting in fact, or so the commercials will have you believe, yuo'll be happy to use one to stop the leak in your boat, or lasoo 40 normal tampons together to obtain one holy pearl girl tampon.
The commericals just show way to much ... um, tamping. | |
| | | caitlin
March 18, 2004 02:52 PM PST
I don't miss my periods at all. C'mon menopause! BRING IT! | |
| | | Brenda
March 17, 2004 09:17 PM PST
Pearl Girl? Is that an American thing?
I never really liked tampons until I went applicator free. I love the control.
Twat just seemed funnier. In my head. | |
| | | Jory
March 17, 2004 06:03 PM PST
Oh! Oh! That was great. Altough, I doubt anyonce can be too uncomfortable with the whole tampon deal after the whimsical Pearl Girl commercials. | |
| | | Jaya
March 17, 2004 05:26 PM PST
Pussy is way better than twat. | |
| | | Jaya
March 17, 2004 05:26 PM PST
I hate tampons without applicators.
I'm an applicator girl all the way. | |
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 Brenda likes Elvis Costello, Jon Stewart, Samuel Fuller, that episode of the Simpsons with the space coyote, egg bread, kissing, Veronica Mars, spicy hummus, the Food Network, and espresso. Brenda dislikes Ashton Kutcher, team sports, work, sugar in her coffee, and mice. Email or MSN: brendajanec at yahoo.com
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