I had to take a lot of breaks reading Frauen for my history exam.

Frauen is about women's experiences in Third Reich Germany. This American journalist went to Germany in the late eighties and interviewed dozens of women.

I'd expected it to be more interesting than my average class reading, but I hadn't expected it to be so affecting. These were ordinary women, some who were involved in the regime - one was a concentration camp guard, one a party member, one an anti-aircraft gunner - some who opposed it - a woman doctor who refused to report those with congenital illnesses, to keep them from being euthanized. They were just people, full of contradictions. It was the first time I've ever been able to say, "Yeah, I see how the people let it happen." The things these women went through - losing family, losing their homes in bombs, rape by the victorious Russian soldiers. The way they turned a blind eye. The way they justified what they'd been a party to.

How everyone just let it happen. Whether they could have stopped it even if they'd known what would happen. Whether it could happen here.

Anyway, I'd be reading Frau Doktor Blersch tell the story of how she had her fifth child after her husband (an army doctor) had died of typhoid at the front because he hadn't had enough vaccine for everyone, so he skipped innoculating himself, and then the Nazis sent her a Mother's Cross (a medal that women got after having a lot of children). She sent it back, which was pretty ballsy at that point. I'd put the book down for a minute, take a deep breath.

I kept thinking, would I have been strong enough.